Waqt har waqt ek sa nahi rehta ...

जानता था, 
वक़्त हर वक़्त एक सा नहीं रहता,
कांपते थे लफ्ज़,
जब भी मैं यह बात कहता,
आज ज़हन में एक अजीब सी मुस्कुराहट,
और कही एक दबी सी उदासी भी है,
अब लगता है, 
शायद सही था मैं, 
वक़्त हर वक़्त एक सा नहीं रहता ... 

Waqt ka Bandhan ...

वक़्त में बांधना चाहा था उन बातो को मैंने,
जाने कब वो उनके लिए बंधन बन गयी,
मन के तराजू में तोला था बातो के समंदर को मैंने,
जाने कब वो उस मन की गहराईयों में खो गयी ...

ek katputli si thi wo ...

एक कटपुतली सी थी वो,
चहकती, महकती,
हंसती, मुस्कुराती,
कभी कुछ चंचल सी कुछ कह जाती,

कहती थी,
हम जैसा कहेंगे, कर के दिखलाएगी,
बंधी डोर के इशारे पे नाच के दिखलाएगी,
कभी कुछ ऐसा ही समां बाँध जायेगी,

जाने कहा मेरे हाथो से वो कटपुतली खो गयी,
शायद वो भी मुझे भूल गयी,
यही सोच कर मेरे दिल की धड़कन भी सो गयी,
शायद वो किसी और की हो गयी,

फिर जाने क्यों फिर उसकी याद आई है,
उसको याद कर एक उदास सी मुस्कान आई है,
शायद अब वो किसी और के रिश्तो की डोर में बंधी है,
मुझसे दूर नजाने कहा खो गयी है ...

कुछ ऐसी ही पहचान ...

बसंत ऋतू की सी बातें उसकी,
चंचल सी मुस्कान,
चन्दन का सा चेहरा उसका,
कुछ ऐसी ही पहचान,

ख्वाबो की सी धुंधली थी वो,
धुये की सी ओझल,
चोध्वी की सी चांदनी थी वो,
पानी की सी निर्मल,
शाम की सी गहरी थी वो,
धुप की सी उज्वल,

खुशियों की सी बहुमूल्य थी वो,
हीरो की सी खान,
बच्चो की सी भोली थी वो,
मद्धम की सी बातें,
बूंदों की सी गिरती थी वो,
बारिश की सी रिमझिम,
कोयल की सी गाती थी वो,
पायल की सी रुनझुन,

सुराही की सी दिखती  थी वो,
सुन्दरता की सी माया,
मोतियों की सी आँखें थी वो,
काजल की सी छाया,

बसंत ऋतू की सी बातें उसकी,
चंचल सी मुस्कान,
चन्दन का सा चेहरा उसका,
कुछ ऐसी ही पहचान ...

Life as it is ... Part 1

Nakul was 23, and had just passed his MBBS from one of the private medical colleges in Kanpur and he went to Hyderabad to find some job in a big hospital as a doctor. He was so happy to finally get the tag of being addressed as Dr. Nakul Choudhary after the long period of studies and struggle. As luck favours the brave, he finally got a job in one of the most reputed hospital of India. He started his practice there.

As he was from a family where principles and values were ranked higher in priority, the same were embedded in him since childhood. He was studying hard when his other friends were exploring childhood, he was competing when his other friends were wooing girls, he was struggling to find a job when his other friends were making and wasting money by wrong means.

As soon as he got a place in hospital as a doctor, his parents and relatives started the process of finding a girl for marriage. Arrange marriage is not an alien word in India. Almost 90% of the marriages in India happen to be arranged. He had not thought of marriage at all for so long. All his focus was on being a nice human being and getting a job.

Almost all of his friends had a girl friend, and being a doctor was one of the reasons for that. But he was unaware of the dating process, though he found a replacement for girl friend mania, he caught the bug of listening to soothing music with glass of whiskey and a cigarette which was known to be his girl friend among his friend circle because he used to smoke Gold Flake and they used to call it GF, an acronym for Girl Friend. This doesn’t mean he wasn’t a nice guy, he was, nor was he heavy drinker, but a chain smoker though because resident doctors in their medical college were known to be the famous chain smokers.

He told his parents to delay the process of marriage for few years, as he wasn’t ready for it and wanted to explore life as it is. He wanted to achieve something in life first, reach a certain point in life and then move forward towards the path of married life. His parents too agreed after some rounds of phone call discussion they had. Nakul was doing well at his work place and was getting to know the world in real outside the books. Few things used to make him happy; others were just unclear to him. The logics around things and relationships he read in books or had seen in family were just not exactly the same people were following in real in this world. He felt disappointed many a times, he tried to change the system at times, he tried changing himself some times to adjust to the society. But things weren’t placed on the table as he had dreamt.

Nevertheless, he completed 3 years in that hospital working day and night, was getting enough money to live a better life. But something was happening inside him, something which was residing in for long and something that he has forgotten for so long. The principles he had before he moved into this world of professionals and money. When he was pursuing his MBBS, he always thought, he will become a doctor to serve the poor in his small town, he will go and work in villages and tribal areas, where there are no hospitals, and he will contribute to the nation by his profession. But on the way of becoming a professional doctor who works for money, he missed the turn to his own way.

The sleepless nights, without any reasons were becoming part of his life style. Sometimes he thought, it was his loneliness, sometimes he thought, it was the work load, sometimes he thought, it was the ambitions. But none of the answers were giving him relief. He felt bonded by his own life style.

One such long dark uncomfortable night, he finally recalled his aim to do something for the poor and needy. And that made him sleep again. The very next day, he realized that nothing in his life right now is fulfilling his dream of working for the poor. So he decided to quit his job and do something towards his aim. The very same day when he was thinking to resign from hospital, one of his patient visited him for the regular checkup.

‘Good evening doctor’

‘Very good evening Mehta sahib. Come inside. How are you feeling these days. I hope you have changed your routine and exercising regularly. ’

‘Yes doctor. As Health is wealth, so I need to be fit then. ‘, Mehta sahib laughed out loud saying this.

Nakul said with a smile on his face, ‘Are you taking the medicines regularly. It is very important that you follow the prescription Mehtaji.’

‘Yes doctor. ’

(to be continued ...)

न कर सका ...

शायद कुछ अलग थी वो बातें जिनको मैं समझ न सका,

शायद दिल में मेरे भी था वो एहसास जिसका मैं इकरार न कर सका,

कट गयी उम्र समझने में इन्ही जज्बातों को, शायद इसीलिए मैं प्यार न कर सका,

हार के उसने भी मांग ली जुदाई, मैं अनजान, इनकार न कर सका ...

(Sequel) Mid Life Crisis - A Realization Part 2

Rohan has been living his life as he wanted, he crossed the hurdles, he jumped the ladder to success, he overcome the quarter life crisis, but there was something that he was unaware of. Something was waiting for him when he turned 40. He was at the peek of his career and was managing his work life balance quite well.

Everybody gathered around the table, where a cake specially ordered for Rohan's birthday was placed at one end. 4 and 0 were written on the black forrest cake with 1 single small and thick candle placed at the center of the cake. Everybody was waiting for Rohan to come and cut his birthday cake, as today he was turning 40, an age where people say, "Now you can say about everything,  Been there, Done that." The maturity of a person reflects in his face, voice, words and habits. Rohan sitting on his desk, sent an email to his client, while his colleagues were shouting his name to come to the table and celebrate.

He put his specs on the desk, turn around the chair and went straight to the group, putting a smile on his face which has also matured over a period of time. People started singing the birthday songs and he cut the cake, looking at the number. He thought, 'life has been a roller coaster so far, what was I doing for so many years. Have I done everything I wanted to do in my life, when most of my life has already passed.'

After distributing the cake among the group, he went straight to the parking lot of the office, which actually had a smoking zone. He opened the packet, and then again looked at the brand name of the cigarette, realizing that he has been smoking the same brand of cigarette for last 20 years. He lit one up, sat on the concrete bench placed on the side of the wall next to a silver metallic color Volkswagen polo. At the same time a bunch of young guys came to the same places laughing loud and chatting in a very frank way. He started noticing them, listening the small and light chit chat among them. This too made him nostalgic about his life, 'Gone are the days'

Placing the laptop on the table in his study room, he called his wife's name to send him a cup of coffee. After a long tired day of work, he used to sit in his study and read some literature for an hour or so everyday. Even he couldn't remember, how long he has been pursuing this habit. Today while going through the bookshelves, he found an old book, which he couldn't recall, when did he buy it. He guessed, 'May be long time back'.

He looked at the cover of the book, showing a picture of men looking towards a big giant clock in front of him and each number on clock was showing the aging man's face. Below was written the name of author -  Roopak Nahor. He couldn't recall the writer, as he has mostly bought books after doing a complete research around each and every book and author. 'Never heard of him'. But the picture on the cover has made him curious to read the content, as there was no title on the book. 'How will a person buy the book without a name?'

He turned the pages, and started his journey of another realization which he thought he wouldn't need long time back ...

The first page of the book showed a checklist and asked the readers to answer them correctly, what they feel about each question :

1. Do you feel that your life is a bore?
2. Do you think of having an affair now?
3. Are you making sudden decisions about everything or in your career?
4. Do you change your hair style or dressing style too often now a days?
5. Have you lost interest in love and sex with your wife or long time girlfriend?
6. Are you drinking too much these days?
7. Are you depressed?
8. Have you lost sleep and appetite?
9. Are you overly nostalgic these days?
10. Do you like to spend more time outside home rather than coming back to home after work?
11. Are you searching for an undefined goal or dream?
12. Do you get a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished?
13. Do you get a fear of humiliation among more successful colleagues?
14. Do you get desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness?
15. Do you want to spend more time alone or with certain peers?
16. Are you entering relationships with younger people (either/or sexual or professional)?
17. Are you at the peak of career, wondering what next?
18. Are you tempted to have an extra-marital affair?
19. Do you feel discontent with life and/or the lifestyle that may have provided happiness for many years?
20. Are you Feeling adventurous and wanting to do something completely different?
21. Are you questioning the meaning of life, and the validity of decisions clearly and easily made years before?
22. Confusion about who you are, or where your life is going?
23. Do you doubt that you ever loved your spouse and resentment over the marriage?
24. Do you get angry at your spouse and blame for feeling tied down?
25. DO you sometimes get the feeling of committing suicide?

Then at the end of the page, 'If you have answered 80-90% of the above questions in YES, then you certainly fall in the pit of Mid Life Crisis' was written in bold letters. Rohan was shocked to read this sentence, as while reading the questionaire, he was answering them too, and unfortunately most of his answers were YES.

This made him more curious to dig deep into the book and find what is the solution to these problems. He turned pages one after another to know more about answers to these questions.

'Page 23 : Mid Life Crisis - What is it?'

The page read, where he stop for a while to know more.

'Midlife Crisis is a natural process (first identified by the psychologist Carl Jung) and it is a normal part of 'maturing'. However, Midlife Crisis can sometimes feel very uncomfortable, and cause people to seek psychotherapy or counselling, or to make radical lifestyle changes that can be very damaging and are regretted later.'

Rohan wasn't sure, how to react to this definition, as it says MLC happens with everyone of his age and part of maturing process, at the same, it makes a person regretful and uncomfortable.

He flipped the pages again, and reach a page titled 'External Factors adding more to Mid Life Crisis'. He started reading the summary given in the page.

1. Debt : Finding yourself middle aged, in debt and facing retirement can add stress to an already stressful time in life.
2. Emotionally Underdeveloped : Being golden child of the family who is never reprimanded is never taught to share his feelings and have a poor emotional quotient.
3. High Pressure Job : With many careers on a fast track, individuals tend to "burn out" earlier these days and are suddenly faced with crises earlier in life.
4. Avoidant Personality : If a person has a tendency to avoid conflict in their personal relationships, suffers from feelings of inadequacy, are emotionally distant and has low self – esteem they will find midlife transition harder to navigate.
5. 'It's All too much'-like responsibilities : If a person feels sandwiched between the needs of caretaking of aging parents and problems of adult children
6. Envy : It’s not about how your life sucks; it’s about how everyone else’s life is so much better. It’s not about how you aren’t living the dream you fantasized about when you were young; it’s about how that joker from the back of the class seems to be living it on your behalf.And it’s usually brought on by a close examination of what your friends and colleagues have achieved – while you cower in the loser’s corner.
7. Significant loss : The death of a parent or family member can cause grief, which is difficult enough to come to terms with, without having to also cope with the feelings of a midlife transition.

'Quite true!' were the words that came out of his mouth as soon as he read these sentences. He thought, 'This book is exactly telling me my story which I haven't told anybody.'

He kept on turning pages, with each page, there was another layer of buried desires and stories untold. He continued reading or in one sense continued reading his own life at his age, hoping to get the solution to his problems.

And soon he reached the end of the book. 'Chapter 40 : What are you looking for?'

His hopes of getting answers was dimishing with each page, but the last light of MAY BE was still on. He started reading ...

'A society which puts a particularly high value on youth, and sidelines older people, it's difficult for many people to move smoothly into their middle years. Men reaching mid-life may feel a loss of masculinity and confusion about their future role. Divorce, insecurity at the business and the changing role of men add to the uncertainty many feel during this time of transition.'

'Midlife is a time of achievement and satisfaction for many adults. Retirement is on the horizon and getting closer. The children are growing up, and some of the children may be parents themselves. But for some people, especially perhaps for idealists, this part of life's journey can be a time of disillusionment, despair and depression.'

'There are different things which a person can change in his life to make this transition smooth and resolve the Mid Life Crisis.'

This sentence brought a great deal of interest to Rohan, as he could see a solution coming next and this could change the way he is living his life.

1. Resolve Midlife Emotional Issues by controlling your anger on unrelated person. This means, done pour your frustration on a person who is not even the reason of that frustration. Try to be normal and nice with them.
2. Resolve Midlife Behavioral Issues by not allowing yourself to withdraw or isolate yourself; remain assertive but not perfectionist. Avoid hyperactivity and irritability. Avoid aggressive or self-harming behavior.
3. Resolve Midlife Cognitive Issues by seeking solutions or memory problems; difficulty concentrating; disorientation /or confusion; excessive fantasies or daydreaming; preoccupation or dissociation; chaotic or obsessive thoughts.
4. Resolve Midlife Environmental Issues by dealing with them and not running away from them. Take responsibilities but not as a load.
5. Take Mide Life as the experience which provides an opening to psychological and spiritual growth that allows and empowers a giving back to others and the community.

Rohan felt agreed to most of the solutions though he had known them in his heart for long, but the book has uncovered it from the deep buried layers of doubts. Rohan Closed the book with a satisfaction that even before he could face the fatal impacts of the regretable experience of Mid Life crisis, he has got the answers to make it a smoother transition than an uncomfortable one.

He looked through the glass of the window towards the road from his room holding the book, in which he could see his mid-aged transparent face along with the book in his hand. And what he saw was more shocking then the revealation in the book. He read the author of the book in the glass, which read, 'Rohan Kapoor'. It was his name written on the book. Out of shock, he looked at the book now.

And then he stood up from his chair with a jolt.

He went to sleep while reading a book named 'Mid-life Crisis in Indian Men and Women. Journal of Psychology - Dr. Karan Khanna'. And the topic also became part of his dream, in which he realised another crisis and got the solution for it.

Rohan thanked God for giving him hints about the problems which could have come and made him wise enough to think through them to solve them .He felt very fortunate to have the power to realize.

*This story is my another attempt to write a fiction which is sequel to my previous story 'Quarter life Crisis - A realization' . The factual content of the story is written after doing research around the topic using wikipedia, google and other blogs. Please consider this as credit for the same. 

दरवाजे बदल गए है...

किये थे वादे खतों के सिलेसिलो के,

की अब उन खतों के दरवाजे  बदल गए है,

किये थे वादे कुछ अनकहे रिश्ते निभाने के,

की अब उन रिश्तो के पय्माने बदल गए है ...

जो मेरे लिए जरूरत है, वो उनके लिए जरूरी नहीं होती

यादें भूली सी, धुंधली सी

बातें मद्धम सी, प्यारी सी

आज भी बसी है ज़ेहन में 

वो साँसे ठहरी सी, सहमी सी

उन अनकहे एहसासों का भी एक वक़्त था

उन अनजाने रिश्तो का भी एक ख़त था

कितने सपनो सी लगती थी वो ज़िन्दगी, लेकिन 

उन अजनबी अरमानो का भी एक अंत था 

शायद ज़िन्दगी में हर चाहत पूरी नहीं होती,

जो मेरे लिए जरूरत है, वो उनके लिए जरूरी नहीं होती,

शायद तकदीर की हर लकीर हाथो में नहीं होती,

शायद ज़िन्दगी की हर रात अधूरी नहीं होती,

जो हाल-ए-दिल की बात है, वो बयां लफ्जो में नहीं होती ...

Quarter Life Crisis – A Realization

Thinking about the life so far, Rohan couldn’t resist but go insomniac about the things he has achieved and things he could have achieved. Rohan is a young, 25-something working professional who recently realized that how confused he has been during the last few years. Being young and restless is one of the attribute of this Gen-Y gang but it was something different in his case. Spending sleepless nights thinking about the current stage of his life, planning a lot and doing nothing about it, feeling uncomfortable about what could have been possible rather than being in this state of mind, fighting his own ever raising doubts about future, exploring hard about oneself and getting no answer and finding depression & disappointments in everything are few of the symptoms he is showing and is concerned about.

He wonder, what is missing and what went wrong but ain’t getting any answers. Many a times, he finds himself in deep thoughts figuring out the reasons for his unknown anxiety and sadness. He isn’t getting any satisfaction from his personal or professional life. A lot of changes are occurring on both the fronts but not as per his dreams. Is it the dreams not turning into reality or reality sucking more than expected?

He was going restless and thought if any of these are symptoms of any mental disorder or imbalance. But going to a psychiatrist will definitely prove him a mental patient, was the next thought he gets every time he thinks about such situation.

On one such dark discomforting night, he was lying on his bed in a room with nothing but walls and a 15 watt bulb not even glowing in full voltage. He lit up his cigarette and went into these thoughts, trying to view his life through the smoke moving up the ceiling in a ghostly way.

‘Why the things are going the way they are? Did I make any such decision which could have led me here? Why is this happening to me? Or does this happen to everything of my age? Why I don’t have a true friend? Why even after so many years, I am not into any relationship?’ questions flying from one direction to another in the smoke and fading out even before he could read their answers. He wished if there were someone who could solve his mystery.

‘He never knew who he was, even on the day he left the world’

He heard a whisper from the back of his ear. He sat back immediately and saw left and right to find who could be the one who said this. No one but the smoke of his cigarette was there to accompany him there. He went back to bed, after finishing the cigarette. In no time, after a long time, he slept so easily in minutes.

Ringing alarm was the next thing, he heard and the new day was there again. He finished all his daily morning jobs and was about to leave for office. Just then the annoying bell rang; he went to the door and found a girl standing at the doorsteps. Nothing so striking about the girl but a smile which was like a million dollar but not available object anyone could have wished for.

‘Good morning Sir, do you have anything you want to donate?’

‘Sorry, I am in hurry right now.’

‘No problem Sir, I can come any other time. We are working for the upliftment of the poor and old people. They will bless you if you will help them.’

‘Sure. Not this time. I have to leave right now for a meeting. Please visit some other time, may be on Saturday, evening 7PM?’

‘Sure Sir.’

As soon as he locked the door and came out of his building, it was dark. He got confused and shocked to see this, is it a thunderstorm or something? He looked at his watch and it was showing time 6:59 PM.

‘What just happened?’

He went back to his flat. Again the bell rang. The same girl was standing there, smiling.

‘Good evening Sir. You asked me to come on Saturday’

‘Yes. But I am not able to recall the whole week. It’s like, we just met minutes ago.’

‘Sometimes life drives like this.’

‘So what were you telling me about that day (I suppose, that day is not this day)’

‘Yes Sir, we are working professionals putting some of our time to volunteer and help poor and old people live a better life.’

‘That’s a great work. So how can I help in this regard?’

‘What we do is that we talk to young people and ask them if they want to join us in this mission or can help us by providing any sort of donation in cash or clothes. This will help move our mission in direction and give them the peace of mind and satisfaction.’

‘Frankly speaking, I don’t believe in donation and this NGO sort of things.’

‘I know Sir, we find a lot of people who believe so, but you can yourself work and see that your money or donation is being used in a proper way.’

‘No. No. You didn’t get me. I was saying, right now even I am not able to support my life, who am I and how could I help someone else? Leave this, BTW, what do you do?’

‘I am a psychiatrist doing my internship in Healthwise Hospital.’

‘Wow!’

Rohan somehow got the feeling, is it just a coincident or destiny that while he was thinking to visit a psychiatrist, one of them is sitting just in front of him.

‘I think, I may not be able to help you in this regard but you certainly can help me in my problem’

‘Sorry, I didn’t get you?’

Rohan went through a long description about his situation and explained the unsettled emotions and insecurities he is facing from last few years.

‘Rohan, I think, you understood your condition. Have you ever read anything about Quarter life Crisis?’

‘Quarter Life Crisis? What is that?’

‘The quarter life crisis is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties. But mostly referred to the age between 25 to 35 and the state in which the person feels during this time’

‘So you are saying this Quarter life Crisis happens in everyone’s life?’

‘Not really but actually mostly. Let me explain this to you in details. Look there.’

He saw a smoke screen in front of him. He was a bit amazed and shocked but as he was more interested in knowing about this crisis, he ignored the special effects happening around him.

Sentences came from left and right explaining the characteristics of Quarter life crisis:

a.       Not feeling driven to achieve anything more.

b.      Not achieved that one has dreamt of.

c.       Thinking to change job or profession.

d.      Not interested in the hobbies one had earlier.

e.      Lost and confused every time.

f.        Realization that the quarter of one’s life hasn’t contributed much for his existence.

g.       How one is different from others.

h.      Struggling to find place in this world.

i.         Exhausting goals very early on. Want to move on the ladder faster.

j.        Nervous and insecure about the future.

k.       Not getting enough time to do something one always wanted to do.

l.         Self questioning.

m.    Over analyzing things.

n.      Missing something every time but don’t know what.

o.      What am I doing?

p.      Should I get married now?

q.      Young age passing by very fast.

r.        Not having trustworthy and true friends.

s.       Not being in a relationship.

t.        Struggling to cope with anxieties about jobs, unemployment and debts.

u.      Loneliness.

v.       Not earning enough to match own and others expectations.

w.     Feeling weak health wise and will power wise.

x.        Lack of excitement in life.

y.       Lack of motivation.

z.       Interesting in everything and committed/specialist in nothing.

‘Hey, This A-Z exactly explains my condition. But I feel some other things too. ’

1.       Insecurity concerning ability to love oneself or somebody else.

2.       Insecurity regarding present accomplishments.

3.       Re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships.

4.       Nostalgia about college, school, fun time.

5.       Boredom with social interactions.

6.       Desire to have children.

7.       A sense that others are doing better than oneself.

8.       Realization that the real world is tougher, more competitive and less forgiving than I 

imagined.

9.       Not able to support family in financial terms and emotional terms.

10.   Lack of maturity.

‘Does this mean I am a severe case of Quarter life crisis?’, tensed Rohan looked more puzzled.

‘Don’t panic Rohan. Quarter life crisis is not a disease or disorder. It is just a phase of life which about 1/3^rd of 25-35 years old face.’

‘Phase of life? So, you are saying one has to go through such difficult phase normally.’

‘Let me put it this way. Till age 12, you are considered to be a kid, no tension, no problem. All play no work except the homework which is part of learning process. Then comes the teenage 13-19, where our body goes through a lot of changes and we wonder why all this is happening, we were better as kids. But then you love being teenager. In one sense, you find a better way out of your teenage problems. Then comes the age when we are the college going, dreaming big, and planning extra ordinary life people. Where everything is just so filmy and nice, we feel like life is wonderful and we will make something great and different out of it.’

‘Exactly. So you study these things in psychiatry?’

‘It is just a part of it.’

‘What comes next?’

‘Then comes the phase, where you are out of college, struggling to find yourself a job. Some find job, some create jobs. Experiment with different profession, till they find their way. But one is sort of happy during these days too. Because they feel they are doing something they have never tried. Work.’

‘Yes, during the initial days of my career, I felt the same. I had no anxiety of this sort but now all of sudden everything is flipping upside down. ’

‘You are talking about the next phase which is part of quarter life crisis. Let me explain you this phase in parts.’

Part 1:

Feeling "locked in" to a job or relationship, or both. It is an illusory sense of being trapped, in which you can easily come out but you can’t.

Part 2:

Then there is intensified sense that change is possible. This leads to mental and physical separation from the previous situation and emotional upheaval. Some may feel being caught in a loop, some may take it as the exploration of new possibilities.

Part 3:

Then decisions related to rebuilding of life should be taken.

Part 4:

Then cementing of fresh commitments that reflect new interests, aspirations and values should be done.

‘So you are saying that even this situation can be overcome and it includes a time which builds and redefines a new life, a better life.’

‘Definitely there is always some positive in every negative thinking.’

‘You’re kidding. Right?’

‘Not negative. I would say, you can find opportunity in every difficult situation, being a optimist.’

‘That sounds theoretical. ’

‘Actually, this sort of crisis happens when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. When you look at your job, it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. Suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Earlier you were always looking for change in life, and suddenly change is the enemy. '

‘Wait, wait, wait … I guess you know a lot of this stuff. Do you really know so much about people and their behavior at every phase of life?’

‘People learn it the hard way going through the life journey. We on the other hand, learn it theoretically and experiment it on people, though we too have to pass through this journey. What people may not realize is that everyone goes through it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.’

‘That helped. So I am not the only one facing this.’

‘Happy to help. ’, she smiled and looked at the painting hanging behind Rohan, ‘So, you are also an art lover. This is from which painter’s collection?’

Rohan turned back to view the painting and said, ‘This is one of its kinds from the talented Kailash Manohar. ’ And looked back toward front. To his surprise, there was this wall in front of him from his bedroom and he found himself lying on his bed. He looked at the watch; it was 6:59 AM. He got up from his bed and realized that it was his dream. But somehow, he felt, he has got answers to his questions.

He went to redesign his life and lived a life which took him to another crisis, the ‘Mid Life Crisis’.

To be continued...

*This story is written after reading newspaper/blog articles on quarter life crisis. Along with some research done through google search around the term. Please consider this as credit to all of them.

मेरा अस्तित्व नज़र आता है

क्यों तन्हा, अंजाना सा, मेरा अस्तित्व नज़र आता है,

जैसे उडती हवा में भी वो पत्ता न उड़ पाता है,

खेलती, चेह्कती, पर फिर भी गुमसुम सी, जैसे कोई चिड़िया हूँ,

या किसी पहेली की अनसुलझी कडिया हूँ,

क्यों ऐसा, अलबेला सा, मेरा चरित्र नज़र आता है,

क्यों तन्हा, अंजाना सा, मेरा अस्तित्व नज़र आता है ...

पता ही नहीं ...

चौराहे पे ज़िन्दगी, राहे नयी, मंजिल नहीं,

रहबरों की बातो का भरोसा नहीं, खुद को रास्तो का पता नहीं,

जिन गलियों के निशान याद थे आज तक, उन मेह्फुस सडको पे अब कोई जाता नहीं,

गिरते सँभालते, घुट घुट के ही सही, ज़िन्दगी की डगर अभी ढूंढी ही नहीं ...

यूँ भी जी के देखा है ...

बे-बुनियादी दर्क्तो पे चढ़ के देखा है,

बिन पंखो के भी उड़ के देखा है,

बे-परवा उसूलो के घने बन्धनों में रहकर देखा है,

बिन दिए के रोशिनी होते देखा है,

बे-इन्तहा रास्तो पे चल के देखा है,

बिन कारवां के मंजिलो पे पहुचते देखा है,

बे-हिसाब पीकर भी रहकर देखा है,

बिन पिए भी बहुत कुछ कहकर देखा है,

बे-फ़िक्र मुस्किलो में किस्मत से लड़ के देखा है,

तो फिर कभी बिन जिए भी जी के देखी है ...

4 din ki zindagi ...

कभी लहराती है, कभी डराती है,

कभी ऐसे ही किसी से भी भीड़ जाती है,

मानो तो वो बड़े काम कर जाती है,

२ पहियों की गाडी वो ऐसे ही चलाती है ...

कभी ख्वाब दिखाती है, कभी ज़मीन पे लाती है,

कभी ऐसे ही किसी की ज़िन्दगी से खेल जाती है,

मानो तो वो जीना सिखाती है,

४ दिन की ज़िन्दगी यु ही गुजर जाती है ...

ZIndagi ke 16 panne ...

ज़िन्दगी के उन १६ पन्नो में ज़िन्दगी नज़र आती हैं,

आज भी जो अनदेखे से वो ख्वाब दिखाती है,

मुफलिसी के उन लम्हों में भी जाने कितनी ही आशाएं थी, 

आज फिर वही अनकही कहानी याद आती है ...

jaa rahe hai ...

न जाने क्यों कोस रहा हूँ मैं भी रहबरों को,

जब रास्ते ही बदलते जा रहे है,

न जाने क्यों सोच रहा हूँ मैं भी उन लम्हों को,

जब वो ख्वाब ही धुंधलाते जा रहे है ...

jaane kaha main kho gaya ...

क्या हुआ, क्यों हुआ, जाने कहाँ मैं खो गया,

मंजिले धुंध-२ के थक गया, जाने कहाँ मैं खो गया,

हकीकत से बेपरवा रहा, नादानी से चलता रहा,

चकनाचूर होते सपनो में, जाने कहाँ मैं खो गया ...

behti yaadein ...

बहती  यादो  के  दरिया  को  देख  के  याद  आया,

कारवां  चल  दिया  छोड़  के  मेरा  साया,

चल  दिया  मैं  भी  सागर  की  आस  में  जाने  कहाँ ,

आजतक  पता  न  चला  कहाँ   कहाँ  मैं  घूम  आया  ...

मुलाकात की आस छुट गयी ...

किस्मत ही ऐसी थी की रूह भी साथ छोड़ गयी

गम के आंसू बहने से पहले ही आँखें सूख गयी

मिलेंगे शायद अजनबी बनके किसी राह में कलको

लेकिन अभी से उस मुलाकात की आस छुट गयी ...